Understanding and Respect

Effective ways to demonstrate understanding and show respect with your customers.

Editor’s note: The following is part two of a series on building rapport with customers. The first article ran in the October 2019 issue of Veterinary Advantage.

“You’re not listening to me!”

While this is one of the most common complaints you will hear from customers, it seems that we never get this response when our customer is positively inclined about the product or service we are discussing. On the other hand, too often, this is the customers’ response when they are negatively reacting to our presentation.

In part one, we focused on
100% attention and the appropriate response. Now we want to add understanding and respect to your tool belt of skills in dealing with negative responses.

Understanding

All too often, people attempt to acknowledge others during a conversation by saying, “I understand.” Unfortunately, this statement is usually followed by another statement that proves the person really does not understand and has no idea what the other person meant or said.

Rather than tell the other person you understand, we urge you to prove you understand.

You do this simply by summarizing or “netting out” what you just heard. A few words are usually enough. You can also ask related questions. You only need to let the other person know that you are there, and more importantly, that you got the point.

Here is a key point to remember: Do not provide feedback to show you are listening. Do it to prove you understand. The difference in these two intentions transmits remarkably different messages when you communicate.

Once you start proving you understand, you will soon discover that you are getting to the heart of the matter faster and making quick analogies or parallels instead of delivering rote repetitions which are common feedback techniques.

Being able to quickly and accurately net out complex messages and ideas is an executive caliber skill. When you cultivate that skill as your own, communicating and problem solving become so much easier.

Respect

To build rapport, you must prove and demonstrate respect for other people’s points of view, not just proclaim respect. Just telling someone, “I appreciate your position” or “I know how you feel,” is not enough. You must prove it. How many times has someone politely told you, “I know how you feel, and you were immediately turned off by the insincerity of the remark?”

So how does acknowledging respect work? You initiate respect by being willing to communicate with another person at their level of understanding and attitude at any moment in time. You are not being condescending. In fact, showing respect for another person is an absolute must if you are to build rapport and stay in a conversation.

There is no technique or gimmick to showing respect. You already do this with people you care about. You naturally adjust your tone of voice, rate of speech and choice of words to show you are trying to imagine being where other people are at that moment. You do not have to be perfect at acknowledging respect, but you do have to show the other person that you are trying.

A note of caution: Respecting another person’s point of view does not mean you agree with that viewpoint. Agreement and respect are not synonymous.

By acknowledging another viewpoint, you are simply respecting the other person’s right to a different point of view at this moment in time. You are not throwing your point of view away; you are just putting yours on hold while you try to understand the other person’s view.

Now the good news – if your words, tone of voice and body language communicate respect for the other person’s point of view, the other acknowledgments naturally happen. Processing acknowledgments while you are in conversation and trying to reach a decision can be difficult. That is why we want you to remember just one point – respect. Do this and the other acknowledgments automatically occur.

As was the case with part one, your challenge is to translate this intellectual understanding into a skill that you own. As you proceed, remember: “Amateurs practice until they get it right. Professionals practice until they can’t get it wrong.”

Photo credit: istockphoto.com/SDI Productions

Patrick T. Malone

Patrick T. Malone is a Business Advisor and Leadership Mentor based in Blairsville, Ga. He is the co-author of the best-selling business book Cracking the Code to Leadership and may be reached at ptm4936@gmail.com or 706-835-1308.