{"id":2161,"date":"2017-04-27T14:57:47","date_gmt":"2017-04-27T18:57:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/phosdev.com\/todaysveterinarynurse\/?post_type=articles&#038;p=2161"},"modified":"2022-01-10T20:30:05","modified_gmt":"2022-01-10T20:30:05","slug":"bully-tactics","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/navc.sitepreview.app\/todaysveterinarynurse.com\/practice-management\/bully-tactics\/","title":{"rendered":"Bully Tactics"},"content":{"rendered":"<div align=\"center\">\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Constantia,'Lucida Bright','DejaVu Serif',Georgia,serif;font-size: 24px;color: #9e3857\"> \u201cNever be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one\u2019s definition of your life, but define yourself.\u201d <\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: Constantia,'Lucida Bright','DejaVu Serif',Georgia,serif;font-size: 14px;font-weight: 800;color: #840fcf\"><span style=\"color: #9e3857\"> \u2014Tim Fields<\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>Recently, a technician contacted me for some private coaching because she was feeling bullied by one of the veterinarians in her practice. She told me how he loses his temper at the slightest things, throws things (but not at her), and is verbally abusive toward her. All of this makes her feel incredibly incompetent, even though deep down she knows she\u2019s a good tech.<\/p>\n<p>The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a <strong>bully<\/strong> as a <em>blustering, browbeating person; especially one who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening to others who are weaker, smaller, or in some way vulnerable. <\/em><\/p>\n<p>(This definition made me realize I didn\u2019t know what <em>browbeating<\/em> meant, so in the event that you don\u2019t know either, here is the <em>Merriam-Webster<\/em> take on that: <em>to intimidate or disconcert by a stern manner or arrogant speech<\/em>. If you are fortunate enough to not know anyone like this personally, you\u2019ve seen them on TV or in the movies [<strong>BOX 1<\/strong>].)<\/p>\n<div class=\"su-box su-box-style-default boxwidth50\" id=\"\" style=\"border-color:#000000;border-radius:0px;\"><div class=\"su-box-title\" style=\"background-color:#333333;color:#FFFFFF;border-top-left-radius:0px;border-top-right-radius:0px\">BOX 1 What Does a Bully Look Like?<\/div><div class=\"su-box-content su-u-clearfix su-u-trim\" style=\"border-bottom-left-radius:0px;border-bottom-right-radius:0px\">\n<p>Bullying is not new. Bullies are found throughout recorded history. While historical bullies are predominantly male, female bullies exist (known as \u201cmean girls\u201d).<\/p>\n<p>Some of the most famous TV and film bullies include the following:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Biff Tannen, <em>Back to the Future<\/em><\/li>\n<li>Johnny Lawrence, <em>The Karate Kid<\/em><\/li>\n<li>Nelson Muntz, <em>The Simpsons<\/em><\/li>\n<li>Scut Farkus, <em>A Christmas Story<\/em><\/li>\n<li>Draco Malfoy, <em>Harry Potter<\/em><\/li>\n<li>Nelly Olson, <em>Little House on the Prairie<\/em><\/li>\n<li>Angelica Pickles, <em>Rugrats<\/em><\/li>\n<li>Gordon Ramsey, <em>Hell\u2019s Kitchen<\/em><\/li>\n<li>Eric Cartman, <em>South Park<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<p>As a veterinary technician, you may work in private practice, an animal shelter, research, or elsewhere. It may not be a veterinarian who is the bully; it could be another tech, a supervisor, a manager, a board member, a client, or a member of the general public. Regardless of <em>who<\/em> is doing the bullying, it\u2019s important to call it out and name it <em>bullying<\/em> if that\u2019s what it is.<\/p>\n<h2>The Truth About Bullying<\/h2>\n<p>Here is the truth about bullying: it tells you everything about the person doing the bullying and nothing about yourself. Bullies have issues with self-esteem. Some of them have very low self-esteem, but others regard themselves quite favorably. Bullies enjoy manipulating others and focus on people whom they think will let them get away with it.<\/p>\n<p>So what does that mean? It means don\u2019t be a victim, because it leaves you powerless. If you believe others can hurt you and your feelings are based on their actions, you <em>will<\/em> be powerless. However, if you acknowledge that YOU are responsible for how you feel, you will be much more prepared to deal with a bully. Others can behave however they want, but you get to decide how you\u2019re going to feel about it by deciding how you\u2019re going to think about it.<\/p>\n<h2>Bullying in the Workplace<\/h2>\n<p style=\"text-align: left\">The Workplace Bullying Institute defines <strong>workplace bullying<\/strong> as follows<sup>1<\/sup>:<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"><em>Workplace Bullying is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators. It is abusive conduct that is:<\/em><\/p>\n<ul style=\"text-align: left\">\n<li><em>Threatening, humiliating, or intimidating, or<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Work interference\u2014sabotage\u2014which prevents work from getting done, or<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Verbal abuse<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: left\">In the workplace, the rules are different from those in our personal lives. Most veterinary practices and organizations have rules that employees must follow or risk termination. Find out what the policy is on bullying if you are being bullied. Report it to your human resources representative or manager, so there is a record.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-family: Constantia,'Lucida Bright','DejaVu Serif',Georgia,serif;font-size: 24px;color: #9e3857\">\u201cNo one can make you feel inferior without your consent.\u201d <\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: Constantia,'Lucida Bright','DejaVu Serif',Georgia,serif;font-size: 14px;font-weight: 800\"><span style=\"color: #9e3857\"> \u2014Eleanor Roosevelt<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left\">Unfortunately, not much happens in most cases, even with a bullying incident being documented. Sometimes the bully is talented, productive, and highly regarded by senior management. Because of that, many organizations do nothing. You should be aware that workplace bullying has potential legal liability, and some of the biggest companies (Microsoft, Dish Network, etc.) have found themselves paying big bucks to employees who were wronged in the workplace. See <strong>BOX 2<\/strong> for a list of online resources about workplace and other types of bullying.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"><div class=\"su-box su-box-style-default boxwidth50 boxalignright\" id=\"\" style=\"border-color:#000000;border-radius:0px;\"><div class=\"su-box-title\" style=\"background-color:#333333;color:#FFFFFF;border-top-left-radius:0px;border-top-right-radius:0px\">BOX 2 Bullying Resources<\/div><div class=\"su-box-content su-u-clearfix su-u-trim\" style=\"border-bottom-left-radius:0px;border-bottom-right-radius:0px\">\nTo take action if you are bullied in the workplace, check out the AARP\u2019s \u201cWhat to Do If You Are Bullied at Work.\u201d (<a href=\"http:\/\/aarp.org\/work\/job-hunting\/info-11-2013\/handle-bullying-on-the-job.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><strong>aarp.org\/work\/job-hunting\/info-11-2013\/handle-bullying-on-the-job.html<\/strong><\/a>) Other great resources include the following:<\/p>\n<ul style=\"text-align: left\">\n<li style=\"text-align: left\"><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/workplacebullying.org\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">workplacebullying.org<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: left\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.stopbullying.gov\/resources\/get-help-now\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">stopbullying.gov\/resources<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: left\"><strong><a href=\"http:\/\/safekids.com\/bullying-cyberbullying-resources\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">safekids.com\/bullying-cyberbullying-resources\/<\/a><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"><\/div><\/div>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: left\">Taking the Bull By the Horns<\/h2>\n<p style=\"text-align: left\">I\u2019m all about personal empowerment. I\u2019ve learned that I can\u2019t control much in this world. However, I can control where I work, and changing jobs is certainly a viable option if you are being bullied at work and management has not been willing or able to stop it.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left\">That all being said, you still have the power to choose what to think about bullying. Your thoughts are your superpower because you can decide to think ANYTHING you want about it. Anything. Isn\u2019t that great?<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left\">If the bullying is troubling you, it\u2019s because of the meaning you are giving it, perhaps subconsciously. <em>She doesn\u2019t respect me. I\u2019m not good enough. There\u2019s something wrong with me. He doesn\u2019t like me. He shouldn\u2019t be allowed to behave like that. Why can she get away with that? Who does he think he is talking to like that?<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left\">Bullies can\u2014and will\u2014say what they want, but you get to decide if you think it\u2019s true, or if you think it\u2019s just them trying to feel better about themselves. You may even decide to think the bully has no other skills with which to connect, so instead he or she chooses to connect with you from a negative place.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left\">When you can get a little perspective on the situation, you might be able to see right through the bully. These are people who are deeply disconnected from themselves and from their own feelings as well as the feelings of others. In almost all situations, they are people trying to make themselves feel better or more powerful at the expense of others.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left\">But remember\u2026<\/p>\n<ul style=\"text-align: left\">\n<li>You don\u2019t need others to respect you, if you respect yourself.<\/li>\n<li>You don\u2019t need others to regard you as competent, if you know you are.<\/li>\n<li>You don\u2019t need anyone to like you, if you already like yourself.<\/li>\n<li>You don\u2019t need to care about how others act, if you act appropriately yourself.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: left\"><em>Our thoughts, not our circumstances, cause our feelings.<\/em> Bullying is a circumstance that has no negative meaning until you think something negative about it. Someone saying ANYTHING to you is not what causes your feelings; what you <em>think<\/em> about what they said is what does.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left\">So, perhaps you can think a bully is just being a jerk and go on making your difference in this world. Why not?<\/p>\n<div align=\"center\">\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"su-box su-box-style-default boxwidth100\" id=\"\" style=\"border-color:#000000;border-radius:0px;\"><div class=\"su-box-title\" style=\"background-color:#333333;color:#FFFFFF;border-top-left-radius:0px;border-top-right-radius:0px\">Once A Bully, Maybe Not Always a Bully<\/div><div class=\"su-box-content su-u-clearfix su-u-trim\" style=\"border-bottom-left-radius:0px;border-bottom-right-radius:0px\">\n<p>In my own life, my brother bullied me tirelessly about my weight when I was growing up. I didn\u2019t have the knowledge that I have now, nor the tools. So instead, I kept emotionally eating and gained more weight. Then he bullied me more. This kind of sibling bullying is not uncommon.<\/p>\n<p>However, in what might seem to be an ironic twist, my brother\u00a0is now a school psychologist, and part of his job involves working with kids who are bullied at school! It goes to show that sometimes the bully takes stock, realizes his effect on others, and chooses for it to be productive rather than destructive. Today I have a great relationship with my brother and am really proud of who he is.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><span style=\"font-family: Constantia, 'Lucida Bright', 'DejaVu Serif', Georgia, serif;font-size: 24px;color: #9e3857\">\u201cIf there are no heroes to save you, then you be the hero.\u201d <\/span><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-family: Constantia, 'Lucida Bright', 'DejaVu Serif', Georgia, serif;font-size: 14px;font-weight: 800;color: #9e3857\"> \u2014Denpa Kyoshi<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bullies like to feel powerful.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2162,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"iawp_total_views":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[103],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2161","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-may-june-2017","column-final_thoughts","clinical_topics-practice-management"],"acf":{"hide_sidebar":false,"hide_sidebar_ad":false,"hide_all_ads":false},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.7 (Yoast SEO v27.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Bully Tactics | Today&#039;s Veterinary Nurse<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta 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