{"id":6008,"date":"2019-08-01T00:00:14","date_gmt":"2019-08-01T07:00:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/todaysveterinarybusiness.com\/?p=6008"},"modified":"2022-03-15T19:36:57","modified_gmt":"2022-03-15T19:36:57","slug":"feel-good-ology","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/navc.sitepreview.app\/todaysveterinarybusiness.com\/feel-good-ology\/","title":{"rendered":"Feel Good-ology"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cYou yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.\u201d \u2014 Buddha<\/em><\/p>\n

If you had to choose between feeling good about yourself or forgiving yourself and accepting yourself completely, exactly as you are, which would you choose? Would you rather feel good about yourself or have compassion for yourself? Would your answer change if you felt you had just accomplished a significant feat or made a major mistake?<\/p>\n

Put another way, who do you appreciate more: the friend who always judges you both positively and negatively or the friend who loves you no matter how you might be at any given moment? If our goal here is to build our egos, then the first kind of friend arguably is more useful. Sometimes those kinds of friends are seen as valuable accountability partners, and there is certainly a case to be made for that kind of relationship, especially if it provides honest and helpful feedback. But if our goal is to tap into something larger and less fragile than an individual ego, then it appears likely that the non-judgmental, compassionate relationship is more likely to serve our highest good.<\/p>\n

In this issue we will explore the difference between making feeling good the ultimate goal versus living from a place of self-compassion<\/a> as a means for encouraging and enhancing \u201cflow\u201d \u2014 those moments when time seems to stand still and we find ourselves completely in the moment that is unfolding, fearless, free-spirited and fully alive.<\/p>\n

The Two Faces of Self-Esteem<\/h3>\n

For years, our culture has encouraged the development of self-esteem, both in our lives and in the lives of the children we\u2019ve raised. And that\u2019s been the case for some very good reasons. Studies have shown that higher self-esteem correlates with lower depression and anxiety, among other beneficial effects. These positive connections make complete sense intuitively. We would expect to have fewer negative emotions if we feel better about ourselves. As a result, high self-esteem has become one of the key markers of mental health and well-being within the psychology community for many years.<\/p>\n

But the pursuit of self-esteem in and of itself has come at a cost. If we equate \u201cwinning\u201d at life with self-esteem and that is what makes us feel good, can we realistically expect to be winning all the time? And how can we all expect to be winning with none of us losing?<\/p>\n

For many people, self-esteem is derived from the self-perception of being special, of being \u201cmore than\u201d or \u201cbetter than\u201d others. Across our society, we seem to have adopted the concept that specialness is the ticket to happiness and self-<\/p>\n

esteem. Just look at our cultural myths. How many movies have you seen where someone either was or behaved like a superhero? Not only is this expectation not realistic for us in our day-to-day lives, it also can lead to narcissism when taken to an extreme.<\/p>\n

Another challenge of self-esteem is that it can be conditional. In our professional and private lives, we have seen many examples of people who had plenty of self-<\/p>\n

esteem when they felt that they were succeeding in some respect, only to face the dark side of that coin when circumstances later changed. It\u2019s easy to feel good about yourself when things are going well, but it\u2019s when things are most challenging that we need the tools to help us cope with the circumstances. If self-esteem is critical to our well-being while also dependent on some state of success or being a \u201cwinner,\u201d then it is guaranteed to leave us when we need it most.<\/p>\n

Self-Compassion Instead?<\/h3>\n

\u201cBeing human is not about being any one particular way; it is about being as life creates you \u2014 with your own particular strengths and weaknesses, gifts and challenges, quirks and oddities.\u201d\u00a0\u2014 Kristin Neff, Ph.D.<\/em><\/p>\n

Dr. Kristin Neff, a professor at the University of Texas, believes that self-compassion provides a healthier alternative to self-esteem. She describes self-compassion as comprised of three main components:<\/p>\n