{"id":4871,"date":"2019-02-08T10:16:57","date_gmt":"2019-02-08T18:16:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/todaysveterinarybusiness.com\/?p=4871"},"modified":"2022-03-16T20:05:47","modified_gmt":"2022-03-16T20:05:47","slug":"wholeness-and-self-compassion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/navc.sitepreview.app\/todaysveterinarybusiness.com\/wholeness-and-self-compassion\/","title":{"rendered":"Wholeness and Self-Compassion"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>What does it mean to be fully present, both at work and at home? How does the quality of our presence impact our happiness, our relationships, our resilience and our sense of peace?<\/p>\n<p>These are incredibly important questions for us to be asking. That\u2019s because, based on our experience and what we\u2019re continually learning about the topic, it\u2019s only in the present moment, unclouded by misdirected desires, fear or regrets, that we:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Can be free of anger, aggression and urgency.<\/li>\n<li>Can be unattached to and unconcerned about either success or failure.<\/li>\n<li>Discover clarity, energy and resolve.<\/li>\n<li>Experience patience, faith, peace and bliss.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>As you might be thinking, finding peace in the present isn\u2019t always easy. In fact, for many of us (especially if we\u2019re high achievers with perfectionistic tendencies), finding peace can be extremely challenging. The good news is a variety of lenses are available to help us explore the power of presence. We\u2019ve talked about several of them \u2014 like centering, mindfulness meditation and improvisation \u2014 in previous columns.<\/p>\n<h3>Recognizing Our Wholeness and Inherent Worth<\/h3>\n<p>One thing we haven\u2019t explored in much depth is the idea of wholeness. A recent read of \u201cOn the Brink of Everything,\u201d by Parker J. Palmer, impressed upon us the fundamental importance of wholeness as a starting point for finding peace in the present. On page after page of his book, Palmer makes his case for the benefits of recognizing our inherent wholeness. <a href=\"https:\/\/todaysveterinarybusiness.com\/what-about-now\/\">Wholeness<\/a>, he says, does not mean perfection, it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of life.<\/p>\n<p>In his own words:<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cBeing human means being broken and yet whole. The word integrity comes from a root that means \u2018intact.\u2019 At bottom, it has to do with being \u2018integral,\u2019 whole and undivided \u2014 which means embracing our brokenness as an integral part of life. Everyone has a shadow, even high-minded people like us. Especially high-minded people like us! But when you are able to say, \u2018I am all of the above, my shadow as well as my light,\u2019 the shadow\u2019s power is put in service of the good.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cThere are no shortcuts to wholeness. The only way to become whole is to put our arms lovingly around everything we know ourselves to be: self-serving and generous, spiteful and compassionate, cowardly and courageous, treacherous and trustworthy. We must be able to say to ourselves and to the world at large, \u2018I am all of the above.\u2019 If we can\u2019t embrace the whole of who we are \u2014 embrace it with transformative love \u2014 we\u2019ll imprison the creative energies hidden in our own shadows and be unable to engage creatively with the world\u2019s complex mix of shadow and light.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>When we reflect on the truth of these words, we\u2019re reminded about the Japanese art form of Kintsugi, which involves repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver or platinum. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object rather than something to disguise. When restored, the piece is actually more beautiful for having been broken.<\/p>\n<p>We, too, can accept and even embrace our flaws and imperfections instead of trying to hide them. It\u2019s only then that we can be truly whole. As veterinary professionals and members of one of the healing professions, we must realize that we are all wounded healers. Coming to terms with our own complex mix of darkness and light will require us to tame our ego and exercise self-compassion and self-forgiveness.<\/p>\n<p>According to Dr. Kristin Neff, associate professor of psychology at the University of Texas, \u201cResearch shows that the No. 1 barrier to self-compassion is fear of being complacent and losing your edge.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s just the opposite,\u201d she says, meaning that self-compassion can lead to greater achievement than <a href=\"https:\/\/todaysveterinarynurse.com\/articles\/the-golden-ticket-to-feeling-better\/\">self-criticism<\/a> ever could.<\/p>\n<p>This is, of course, easier said than done. But core to self-compassion is to avoid getting caught up in our mistakes and obsessing about them until we degrade ourselves, and rather strive to let go of them so we can move on to the next productive action from a place of acceptance and clarity.<\/p>\n<h3>Next Steps<\/h3>\n<p>To develop self-compassion, do this:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Make the choice that you\u2019ll at least try a new approach to thinking about yourself. Commit to treating yourself kindlier. Call it letting go of self-judgment, going easier on yourself or whatever resonates most.<\/li>\n<li>Try any type of practice, like mindfulness meditation, that helps you stay in the moment and, without judgment, notice what it feels like to get caught up in self-criticism. See how painful that is compared with being kind to yourself. Validate the emotions you\u2019re experiencing without adding fuel to the fire.<\/li>\n<li>Interrupt the spiral of negative self-talk by focusing your energy on something external that you care about, which can help you establish perspective and a sense of meaning beyond yourself. Take a break and find a puppy, kitten or your own four-legged buddy to love on.<\/li>\n<li>Meet your self-criticism with kindness. In a May 2018 New York Times article, Charlotte Lieberman tells us to, \u201cPractice what it feels like to treat yourself as you might treat a friend. If you said, \u2018I\u2019m feeling fat and lazy and I\u2019m not succeeding at my job,\u2019 and your friend said, \u2018Yeah, you\u2019re a loser. Just give up now. You\u2019re disgusting,\u2019 how motivating would that be? So, the next time you\u2019re on the verge of falling into a shame spiral, think of how you\u2019d pull your friend back from falling in, and turn that effort inward.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>The Power of Self-Forgiveness<\/h3>\n<p>Here\u2019s a potential game-changer question for you: Are you willing to forgive yourself for your shortcomings? How can you stay out of judgment and be more accepting of your shadow side while still remaining true to your best self and responsible for your impact on others?<\/p>\n<p>Mindfulness expert Sharon Salzberg advises us to open our perspective and hearts and practice generosity with ourselves. She suggests, \u201cIf we\u2019re always looking for some object or person or thing to create a sense of completion for ourselves, we miss entirely the degree to which we are whole and are complete in every moment.\u201d Spaciousness and peace can be found within ourselves.<\/p>\n<h3>How to Find Your Wholeness<\/h3>\n<p>We pay a cost when we dissect ourselves into parts, some of which are \u201cacceptable\u201d and some of which remain locked up and hidden. Whether we\u2019re repressing our perceived faults or even overlooking or downplaying our positive qualities, the result is a decreased level of aliveness, energy, creativity and authentic expression.<\/p>\n<p>Bebe Hansen of Presence-Based Coaching offers two practices to help reclaim your wholeness:<\/p>\n<p>1. <strong>Pause and take a moment of presence.<\/strong> When you feel something arising in you that\u2019s unfamiliar (or very familiar yet unwanted), pause and take a moment of presence. Try to tune in to what is trying to be known in some way within you. Sometimes that\u2019s all that\u2019s needed to have a little energy boost.<\/p>\n<p>2. <strong>Make space for all voices.<\/strong> When you\u2019re under pressure, notice in the moment the urge to distance yourself from a certain aspect of yourself. Be aware of having self-judgment. Instead of creating distance, invite and allow space for that part of you to actually emerge more fully, acknowledging it with kindness, compassion and love. You might be surprised at the wisdom available by giving these different perspectives some airtime in your consciousness. You can then choose what\u2019s next with more awareness.<\/p>\n<p>Hansen encourages us to welcome \u201cthe hidden aspects of us we can now perceive and be in contact with. Even the sticky or scary ones, and especially the beautiful and talented ones. We might regard their emergence as information \u2014 as data \u2014 and wonder how that data informs us.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Here are five questions to get you started for the sake of celebrating all of you in your wholeness:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>What\u2019s your relationship to those parts of you that seem distasteful, or are not welcomed into your identity?<\/li>\n<li>How would you like this relationship to be?<\/li>\n<li>What parts of you (shadow or gift) might need a home within you now?<\/li>\n<li>What do you imagine would be some possible outcomes (both scary and enlivening!) from including more of you in your work, your life?<\/li>\n<li>How might including more of you serve your relationships?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Some Final Words<\/h3>\n<p>We leave you with this poem by Rumi, one of the most frequently recited poems in <a href=\"https:\/\/todaysveterinarypractice.com\/mindfulness\/\">mindfulness<\/a> retreats and courses around the world.<\/p>\n<p><strong>THE GUEST HOUSE<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>This being human is a guest house.<br \/>\n<\/em><em>Every morning a new arrival.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>A joy, a depression, a meanness,<br \/>\n<\/em><em>some momentary awareness comes<br \/>\n<\/em><em>as an unexpected visitor.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Welcome and entertain them all!<br \/>\n<\/em><em>Even if they\u2019re a crowd of sorrows,<br \/>\n<\/em><em>who violently sweep your house<br \/>\n<\/em><em>empty of its furniture,<br \/>\n<\/em><em>still, treat each guest honorably.<br \/>\n<\/em><em>He may be clearing you out<br \/>\n<\/em><em>for some new delight.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>The dark thought, the shame,\u00a0<\/em><em>the malice,<br \/>\n<\/em><em>meet them at the door laughing,\u00a0<\/em><em>and invite them in.<br \/>\n<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Be grateful for whoever comes,<br \/>\n<\/em><em>because each has been sent<br \/>\n<\/em><em>as a guide from beyond.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>The most important thing we can do to discover inner peace is to show up as our true selves as often as we can. As Brother David Steindl-Rast says, it\u2019s vital to be fully present in the moment and to be present with all we have, aware of our shadow as well as our light.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s only when we accept our own wholeness, possessing a sense of worthiness and dignity, that we can extend acceptance, compassion and forgiveness to others.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Finding peace in the present means embracing brokenness as an integral part of life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":28,"featured_media":4872,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"iawp_total_views":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[343],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4871","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-february-march-2019","column-go-with-the-flow","clinical_topics-personal-wellness"],"acf":{"hide_sidebar":false,"hide_sidebar_ad":false,"hide_all_ads":false},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.7 (Yoast SEO v27.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Wholeness and Self-Compassion | Today&#039;s Veterinary Business<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" 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