{"id":22666,"date":"2022-10-01T00:00:31","date_gmt":"2022-10-01T00:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/todaysveterinarybusiness.com\/?p=22666"},"modified":"2022-10-01T23:50:47","modified_gmt":"2022-10-01T23:50:47","slug":"people-discharge-notes-1022","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/navc.sitepreview.app\/todaysveterinarybusiness.com\/people-discharge-notes-1022\/","title":{"rendered":"The Art of Kindness in an Imperfect World"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The other morning, I ate breakfast at a swanky little place in Charlottesville, Virginia. It\u2019s the type of place that serves avocado toast but with salmon on it, and the coffee costs $8. It\u2019s definitely not a place that makes me feel particularly at home, and less so when I have to ask hillbilly questions (much to my wife\u2019s dismay) like \u201cDoes the water cost extra?\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The food at this caf\u00e9 was amazing, and the server was oh-so-nice. Still, as the restaurant filled steadily, I found myself sitting with an empty coffee mug and no jelly for my biscuit. (I had been assured that coffee was free after the first cup.) I waited and waited for a refill and the chance to ask for whatever kind of jelly they might have had, but the opportunity never came. Instead, the lone server walked quickly and efficiently from table to table, seating people, fulfilling drink requests and taking orders. Her smile never wavered, she never stopped moving, and she never refilled my coffee mug or brought me jelly.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As I went to the washroom, I passed her frantically making a complicated breakfast drink order at the bar. I told her, \u201cWow, you are really hopping this morning! Is it usually this busy?\u201d She said it was, so I followed up with, \u201cAre you usually working alone like this?\u201d She pursed her lips and looked at me with an obviously forced smile. \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It wasn\u2019t her fault that she was stranded alone in a busy restaurant. It wasn\u2019t the restaurant\u2019s fault for not being able to hire more servers during a national worker shortage (or perhaps that someone called out sick). And it wasn\u2019t unreasonable for me to want a refill of my coffee or jelly for my biscuit. Sometimes, life is like that. No one does anything wrong, but the outcome is less than ideal.<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Upon Further Reflection<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I was working in the clinic on July 2, the Saturday before the Fourth. As you can imagine, I was up to my eyebrows in cases that \u201cneeded\u201d to be seen before the long holiday weekend. I had a smile on my face, even as my technicians and I hustled from one room to the next. We saw the appointments. We saw the emergencies. We saw the rechecks for medication refills, and we even saw a random kitten that had been found beside the road and needed new-home services.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What we did not do was spend a significant amount of time with people, which was apparent when a first-time client, while checking out, asked at the <a href=\"https:\/\/todaysveterinarybusiness.com\/missed-charges-veterinary-revenue\/\">front desk<\/a>, \u201cIs Dr. Roark always so, you know, in and out? We\u2019re used to spending more time with our vet.\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ouch.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When the front desk person shared the story, it felt like a punch to my gut. Not because I felt mistreated or unfairly judged but because I knew the client was right. I had hustled the pet owner in and back out and hadn\u2019t given the due consideration I usually do.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sure, it was the Saturday during the long holiday weekend and pets flooded into the clinic through every door and window, but that didn\u2019t mean the client was wrong when she pointed out that she didn\u2019t get quality time with me.<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Deafening Silence<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As I sat in the caf\u00e9 and thought about my lack of coffee and jelly, I also thought about the unhappy July 2 client. Are people wrong to be frustrated when they have a reasonable request that isn\u2019t met? Should service providers feel bad when they are doing the absolute best job possible under challenging circumstances and customers aren\u2019t filled with joy about it?<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My oldest daughter is 14 and recently came to the clinic with me. She wants to be a veterinarian one day, and I thought taking her would be a fun way to introduce her to the profession. So I took her, and, well, everything died. Tiny kittens with hookworms and flea anemia died, little puppies with congenital cleft palates died, beloved geriatric family members died, and a cat getting a blood <a href=\"https:\/\/todaysveterinarypractice.com\/parasitology\/cytauxzoonosis-in-cats\/\">transfusion<\/a> died. It was, by all measures, a very bad day.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My daughter and I drove home for 20 minutes in absolute silence. When we pulled into the garage and I turned off the car, she just sat there. Finally, without looking at me, she said, \u201cIs it often like that?\u201d I thought for a long while and said, \u201cNo, that was particularly bad.\u201d She didn\u2019t say anything else. She just got out of the car and went inside.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I called my father, a retired general surgeon, and told him I was worried about my oldest daughter. She is deeply empathetic and desperately wants to make people happy. But being the overprotective dad that I am, I\u2019m concerned she might be too softhearted to have a career as a veterinary health care provider. As we all know, the burden our profession regularly puts on its practitioners can be particularly heavy for people who tend to feel deeply or seek validation from others.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My father, who has seen many physicians come and go from health care, thought for a long while. Finally, he said, \u201cYou know, it\u2019s been my experience that you can teach a kind person to be professional, but you can\u2019t teach a professional person to be kind. I wouldn\u2019t worry too much just yet. She can learn to find her own balance as she goes.\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My daughter is a kind person, and the world can be a hard place. But it\u2019s a place where everyone can do their absolute best. They can hustle to serve everyone waiting for coffee or pet vaccinations, they can practice the best medicine, they can smile, and they can be kind. However, some outcomes will be less than ideal. People will be frustrated, pets will die, biscuits will go without jelly, and $8 cups of coffee will not get refilled, even though the people tasked with making those things not happen did everything a reasonable person could ask.<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Four Key Takeaways<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The reality of an imperfect world can be frustrating, and we\u2019ve all felt defeated by it. The imperfection doesn\u2019t mean, however, that kind people like my daughter (or me or you) shouldn\u2019t do the work we set out to do. Likewise, it doesn\u2019t mean that because we won\u2019t always make others happy, we should shy away from doing things that we (and those who seek our services) care about.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The fact that we won\u2019t always get ideal outcomes just means we need to be intentional about how we define success for ourselves. We need to focus on:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Not taking the irritation of others personally.<\/li>\n<li>Keeping healthy boundaries between ourselves andour jobs.<\/li>\n<li>Letting the frustration of an imperfect world roll off our back.<\/li>\n<li>Making sure we disconnect, rest and recharge so that we can continue to make a difference.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We need to accept our limited power in this world. We need to balance empathy for unhappy people with pragmatic insight about our limitations and what we need to keep practicing medicine over the long term. Sometimes that balance will allow for the client\u2019s ideal outcome, and sometimes it simply won\u2019t. We need to get comfortable with that reality.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Lastly, we must remember that living in a hard and imperfect world makes our successes all the more meaningful. When things work out, we should celebrate. When people say kind things to us, we should hold on to them instead of discounting and shooing them away.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We need to accept that we cannot control anything more than what we can control, that we cannot be all things to all people and that sometimes we will do our best work and not everyone will end up satisfied. That is not failure. It\u2019s life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Let\u2019s be intentional about how we define success for ourselves.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":47,"featured_media":22667,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"iawp_total_views":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[395],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22666","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-october-november-2022","column-dicharge-notes","column-features","clinical_topics-personal-professional-development"],"acf":{"hide_sidebar":false,"hide_sidebar_ad":false,"hide_all_ads":false},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.7 (Yoast SEO v27.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>The Art of Kindness in an Imperfect World | Today&#039;s Veterinary Business<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" 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