I found myself in a raging pity party not too long ago. While I don’t remember the exact trigger, it centered on my not feeling strong or confident enough to pursue my next career goal. Thankfully, my best friend is fantastic at crashing pity parties with well-placed splashes of cold water that can take different forms. This time, it was a text message with a clip from the Apple TV+ drama The Morning Show. In the episode, Cory Ellison’s mother tells Bradley Jackson, “You know that phrase ‘The world is my oyster’ from Shakespeare? People forget the second half, ‘which I with sword will open.’ You have to open the oysters of the world with a … sword.”
The clip stopped me in my tracks because it confirmed I was scared.
Fear is an innate response and a protective mechanism in humans. Our brains are hardwired to fear change, even to the point of paralysis. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Whether your next step is taking a board exam, buying a veterinary hospital, leaving clinical practice or starting a business in another industry, three truths must be present for change to occur. According to New York Times bestseller and life coach Mel Robbins, we must be:
- Frustrated enough with where we are to say, “No more.”
- Brave enough to admit, declare and demand more of ourselves and everybody around us.
- Disciplined enough to work for more.
We can use those three tenets as guideposts to help us achieve more authentic fulfillment in life.
You Can’t Open the Shell
My career restlessness lingered, and during that time of introspection, another life coach told me to reflect at the beginning and end of each day. I was to jot down moments of personal and professional joy, no matter how fleeting or small, and whether the day was good or bad. Recording how great my venti vanilla latte felt first thing in the morning seemed silly at first, but that was my naivete. I wasn’t aware of the patterns we can identify and why they matter.
Our conscious and subconscious minds dictate our day-to-day life. When our conscious mind leads the way, we act logically, are driven by goals, make deliberate choices and feel in control. We delay gratification and self-fulfillment. In contrast, when we feel fear, our subconscious mind activates a fight-or-flight response. We become emotional and habit-driven and stay stuck in an endless loop of decisions that feel out of control. We survive on fleeting moments of instant gratification.
If social media has taught us anything, we know that chasing instant gratification and micro-hits of dopamine is rarely a fail-safe recipe for happiness.
If you’re feeling restless and frustrated but can’t pinpoint why, take the time to journal your daily routine for a week or two. Are you continually butting your head against the wall at work, trying to “open the oyster” the same way? Are your days filled with proactive choices or reactive habits? If you’ve reached the apex of frustration and know more is ahead, it’s time to grab the sword.
Do I Need a Sword?
Interpreting Shakespeare in 2024 is challenging, but I’m not advocating violence. Instead, the metaphor suggests we can’t expect to fight our subconscious mind alone. The sword represents bravery.
When my frustration bubbled over, I started investigating Robbins’s second truth: Was I brave enough to demand more of myself? And, more so, what did it look like? It’s one thing to make bold statements about a new job or a career change in a moment of heightened frustration, but when reality hits, could I make the same declarations and act on them? And, most importantly, could I be vulnerable enough to ask for help if I didn’t have a sword?
Many of us face two opponents when we forge a new path. The first one, the fear of failure, afflicts many veterinarians and veterinary technicians. The primary problem with tackling change is that our inner voice originates from a place we don’t control. Our subconscious tries to sabotage us. Entering the fight without a sword often ends in defeat.
Don’t let the maladaptive ways of fear of failure hold you back from success. Focus on these two practical steps:
- Own your fear. I felt better admitting my thoughts of impostor syndrome and gaining the empathy of those close to me.
- Focus on the aspects of your goal that you can control.
As I started my consulting business, I interviewed several consultant colleagues and formed a phone-a-friend network for when questions arose.
During all that, I was ill-prepared for a second opponent. We forget that seeking positive change also can mean loss. Leaving a job and letting go of people can be difficult. I made the mistake of pushing aside my feelings of grief, thinking they would fade without me addressing them. However, I suggest the alternative: Give yourself the grace and space to process grief and the understanding that grief is not linear.
It Can Take a Lot of Oysters
So, here I was. Frustration was present, I had my sword, and I was restless for change. But suddenly, the enormity of the project and its demands created overwhelming panic and anxiety in me. The floodgates opened, and my subconscious mind took over and whispered every possible reason I couldn’t do it. Fear set in, and I pumped the brakes.
But here’s where the third truth comes in. We must be disciplined enough to want more.
I usually pride myself on my self-discipline and inner drive, but I made these two missteps:
- I didn’t set realistic goals. Instead, I only saw the end goal, which required significant time, energy, capital and sacrifice. While we know now that we want a conscious mind making logical decisions that result in delayed gratification, it can’t take so long that we end up discouraged and disenchanted.
- I should have broken my goal into small, frequently achievable milestones to build on the momentum.
Finding a pearl is difficult when you open only one oyster. When we start a journey, many of us put on blinders and see one finish line, one road and one perfect outcome. But, as business consultant Abdo Riani reported in Forbes, founders of failed startups have a 20% higher chance to succeed in their next venture.
Veterinary professionals can’t expect every oyster to contain a pearl, so we need a sword to open quite a few more before we find “the one.”
REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
A Forbes report offered these enlightening statistics for entrepreneurs:
- Validating a business model takes founders two to three times longer than they expected.
- Mentored startups grew 3½ times faster and raised seven times more money than those without mentors.
- Over 70% of startup founders eventually realize that their intellectual property isn’t a competitive advantage and of value unless they execute it.